Hackfest

Manly men doing manly things.
The Director sanctions the bet
and offers 2 strokes off the 2006 fest score to the winner of the bet in 2005.

Brett R. Johnson  
McDermott Will & Emery LLP

227 West Monroe Street  
Chicago, IL 60606-5096

Rog,

You've finally gone too far. Time to put some real skin in the game. Here's the bet, be a man and take it:

- If Tom finishes Hackfest 2005 ahead of Roger, Roger plays Hackfest 2006 without uttering a word. Silence for the whole Fest.
- If Roger finishes Hackfest 2005 ahead of Tom, Tom must take at least 5 golf lessons and play at least 5 rounds of golf before Hackfest 2006.
- In case of a tie, the Director shall rule.
   
Hail to the King!
    
Tom  

John,

I have had the time to analyze the pairings and rules.


First, If I had the opportunity to withdraw my bet on myself, I would. I have to figure that the two forced takes on the worst shot may come into play with Tom as my partner. No offense Tom but you suck pretty bad. I have to figure that this rule will cost me 4 strokes plus the 3 stroke ceiling.

Put me in for:

$20.00 on Gary. Once again, the golden platter has been handed to him. No weakness in the first nine holes. No nines on a par three to average into the score in the second. Paired with a two time Birdie King in the third round where there may be no bad shot to force and you have a formula for success. One birdie in Chicago and Gary is in the negative. If Gary doesn't win, he will go down as the biggest choker since Norman in the Masters.

$10.00 on Trent. Looks like the Director has recognized that Trent has paid his dues and is now eligible for the trophy. His only Achilles heel is having to pair with Dick in the third nine. My guess is the Blake magic will benefit Trent as much as it does Dick year after year. Regardless of the fact that Steve hasn't picked up a club since his ouster, that ugly black sand wedge will still be in his bag. Pretty safe bet when Gary chokes.


$10.00 on Jim. Yes, this is a first time winner trifecta. Jim enjoys the easiest free ride in the field. Paired with the Birdie King in the all important third nine, and  coupled with the fact that, if he blows, it is usually late in the round, Jim should be sitting pretty after 27. No it becomes a fight with his own psyche in the Chicago nine. If Tim can get into his brain an cause the collapse he is toast. However, Tim has grown soft over the years and seems to encourage those in his foursomes rather than find pleasure in their demise. It is somewhat of a long shot as Jim needs to do this on his own, but worth the bet.

If you want to know the real long shots keep reading.

Tim: Why the director chose to punish him with those partners is beyond me. Perhaps he did not give the firm a retainer soon enough for the Illinois business. If Tim can put together another miraculous round in the last nine he may dig our of last place.

Glenn: Actually a pretty solid bet but I ran out of funds and he won the fest in the past. I think it will be a first time winner this year. He will be the key to Gary's victory if it happens. I still may put a last minute fin on him.

Jeff: The other white meat. Jeff could be the sleeper as there are no real pairings that will kill him. His problem, as always, is the legacy he brings forth to Chicago. Can he hack away at the 12 points or not? A pretty sure bet to be leading the pack going in to the second day. Maybe worth a buck at the last minute.


Brett: Always the gentleman, saddles himself with the worst parings. The first day will be a disaster. Tom and Duke will see that this ship has sunk. Thank god for the four stroke ceiling in day one but way too much to overcome.

Tom: Sorry, riding backs for three nines is the game. You still have to be able to play golf all by yourself in the last nine. I am glad that I will be there to see it.

John: Relegated to being one of the pack animals this year. Johnny will have the honor of saying he carried the winner to victory. The deficit in day one, like Brett will be way to big to overcome, plus he is still in the penalty phase in Chicago. The secret is out, no longer designated as the "Am", he has to earn the next trophy.

Mike: Reasonable first day pairing but the impact of Dave in day two will be too much to overcome. It is not the potential for bad golf from Dave but the mind games it will play on him. Mike is fragile and he will snap. No first time, four time King.


Eric: No shot whatsoever. But, I really would love to witness a back-to-back winner in the "post dog house" era of Chicago handicapping.

Steve, Chad, Dave: Welcome or in welcome back. See you in the winners circle when you have earned the right to be there.

The Duke: Giggle, Giggle. I love you just the same but I think I made my position clear on this bet. It will be good to see you again. We usually get 18 holes together. Not this year. Perhaps we can pee in Tim's back yard together or something.


Hail to the King! Eric.

See you all on #1

Rog

G-Dawg,

Sorry to be tardy.

Yes,  there has been progress.  Unfortunately, I messed my back up (not
good) about 3 weeks ago and between doctors appointments, drugs, physical
therapy and work, have not spent the time I should on the rules.  I will
try to have them finalized by this weekend.

Yes, the field will expand to 16.

More later,

Brett R. Johnson  
McDermott Will & Emery LLP  
227 West Monroe Street  
Chicago, IL  60606-5096  

A recent discussion with Mr. Sauer indicates that in addition to Messieurs
Shipley, Blake and Read, the fourth inductee is likely to be an
acquaintance
of Mr. Read.

With all due respect to the Legend's Committee, I would like to register my
acute displeasure with this possible turn of events.  Why would a friend of
Mr. Read's be given preference over a frequent golfing companion (Mr. James
Kenealy) of Mr. Hove and me?  Mr. Sauer has also had the pleasure of playing
a round with Mr. Kenealy, and can testify to his stellar personality, steady
disposition, and well-rounded golf game.

Thank you in advance for your attention to this weighty matter.

Mr. Gary Lee Mullen-Schultz

G-disgruntled,

All Hail Eric Petersen, the Birdie King!

I appreciate both your interest in and recommendation of Mr. Kenealy  as a
Hackfest participant and I appreciate your position.
Since he basks in the warm glow of your friendship, I have no doubt Mr.
Kenealy is Festworthy (and probably more Festworthy than a number of the
current participants).

Although details of legend (sic) committee discussions are to be kept
confidential, I share below some general observations of mine from the
discussions centered on expanding the Hackfest field.

The decision to expand was a difficult one for precisely these reasons
(who to invite and/or on what basis do we decide whom to invite).

The last person chosen ahead of Mr. Kenealy, was, as you perceived, David
Read's friend, Chad Johnson.  As you know, Steve, Trent and David have had
fairly long "wanna be" status relative to the Hackfest.  Although Chad has
played golf with Tim and I (sic) a few times in the past 4 years, what
recommended him was his college buddy/South Dakota soul mate status with
David, which seemed in keeping with the origins of the Fest, and the fact
that two competitor's (sic) probability of continued attendance would be
increased if Chad were chosen (gives David an added reason to travel to
Minneapolis for the Fest (gets to see Chad)), and gives Chad an added
reason to attend (gets to spend time with David).  Also, he is another
"happy" personality.  Not quite a Kast, but 90% Kast, 10%
Roger-the-salesman.

Given all of the above, Chad probably had an unfair advantage because two
of the three legend committee members knew who he was, sorry.

I would be happy to put him on the waiting list (I think he would be
first, but I have not yet reviewed this with Tim and Mike).  As you may be 
aware, the With a few caveats for legend's (sic) committee members (the Carter
Rule), military service, and perhaps medical emergencies, the Legends
Committee fully intends to enforce the historic attendance rule.  If
someone drops out for a year, they stay out until someone else drops out.
That is, if Mr. Kenealy were to be called up this year, he would be in
until he bailed out.

If all goes well (i.e. I don't end up working this weekend) I will have
the rules to you on or by the 4th.

Brett R. Johnson  
McDermott Will & Emery LLP  
227 West Monroe Street  
Chicago, IL  60606-5096  

Jim:

A travesty of justice has occurred.  Dr. Johnson will undoubtedly rot and 
burn in eternal hellfire.  Given his colorful description of the friendship 
between Mr. David Read and Mr. Chad Johnson, it's obvious that the Artistic 
Director caved in to the gay lobby.

I suspect the Justice Scalia would have quite a different opinion about this 
matter.  As it stands, you're on the outside looking in.

I apologize � it's obvious that the Cray needs to be replaced with something 
having a bit more compute power.  I refuse to believe that the Legends' 
Committee could f*ck up this badly.

Gary

G-fret,

I suspect Scalia and I would have a differing opinion on a lot of things.  
As to your "gay lobby" theory,  Dave's a navy man and I will therefore honor the don't ask, don't tell policy.

FYI:  
The Cray may be old, but it's liquid cooled  and will never be replaced.

Also, just finished a documentary on corporations.  Nice to learn the IBM's punch card machines were powering AH's "final solution." 
There were apparently a lot of numbers to crunch in Germany 1943-45, and the boys in blue were happy to take the cash for sales during the war.

Brett R. Johnson  
McDermott Will & Emery LLP  
227 West Monroe Street  
Chicago, IL  60606-5096