Hackfest

Hackfest 2018: Controversy

Under the advice of my outside counsel, Rudy Giuliani, I, Brett Johnson, am publishing the information below.
Nothing in this section should be construed as either an affirmation or a denial of anything you read below.

A bit of controversy surrounds the 2018 Hackfest.

A number of late rule changes and other eyebrow-raising incidents were observed over the recent Hackfest weekend.
A few of them include:

• A “Black Ball” rule was suddenly added on Sunday morning to the already published rules. A late change of this magnitude is new and unprecedented in the Hackfest world.
  • Returning the Black Ball was worth two full points.
  • Only one team returned the Black Ball. The new BK’s team.
  • The new BK won the crown by precisely one stroke.
  • There was a secretive-looking meeting observed on Sunday morning between then Mr. Hove and the AD.
• With no prompting whatsoever, a member of the Hackfest fold received the following text messages from the new BK, one after another:
  • “I never met with the Artistic Director before the round.”
  • “Well, OK. I met with the Artistic Director before the round but it was about his real estate business. NO COLLUSION!!!!”
  • “Well, OK. The Artistic Director and I met before the round and discussed the rules and how they affected me personally but nothing came of it. WITCH HUNT!!!!”
• The then Mr. Hove, who plays dozens of rounds a year, was one of the “Exempt” golfers on Sunday morning.
  Let’s examine the others:
  • The one-handed Roger Mahre was Exempt.
  • Chaz, who plays golf exactly once a year (at the ‘Fest), was Exempt.
  • Duke, who also plays golf exactly once a year, was Exempt.
  • Tom, who also plays golf exactly once a year, was not Exempt.

The selection of Exempt players seems interesting.

• A bag of extra Black Balls was observed in the AD’s hands before the round.
  The number in the non-hermetically-sealed Ziploc bag seemed odd - there appeared to be seven, not eight.
  Given a typical box of twelve balls, shouldn’t eight be remaining after the four are distributed to the foursomes?
  Why was a ball seemingly missing?
  Did it somehow end up in someone’s (unnamed) pocket to be proudly produced later?
• Two days before the Hackfest the AD raised David Read’s Chicago score by 2, from 15 to 17.
  This was only published on the final score sheet. The rules were never amended. David Read lost by exactly 2 strokes.
• The AD has displayed clear malice towards a one Eric Petersen, our second-place finisher, who lost by a mere stroke, in the past.
  Namely, the “Oh, I see lightning, Hackfest over!” year of 1991.

It’s highly unlikely that this is all mere coincidence.

It appears as though a certain Mr. Robert Mueller will soon be available as needed for a potential Special Investigation into this affair.
Is there a metaphorical “Piss Tape” out there of which the new BK is in possession?
Could this potentially lead to a discussion by the Legends’ Committee on invoking the 25th Amendment of the Hackfest Constitution?